It's Halloween Time!

Unfortunately, my kiddos have never had the chance to dress up for Halloween. We've never been able to celebrate it. Except Jacob. For his first Halloween I dressed him up as a little frog. He was so cute!

But this year, I was determined that things were going to be different. Even if I had to make my kiddos' costumes. But you know that amazing man I keep talking about? Well, he went out and bought my kiddos their costumes!

Miss Lilah is going to be Minnie Mouse. She squeeled when she saw the costume. We knew it would be perfect!

I was a little shocked by my little princess. She wanted to be a witch! Not a princess. But she was sure to tell us, that she didn't want to be a scary witch. :)

Mr. Travis, well all he has been able to talk about is dinosaurs. His eyes got as big as plates, when he seen this costume! I'm glad my little boy got to have it.

The toughest decision, was for Jacob. He just didn't know what he wanted to be. He thought about a fireman, or a police man. Then he saw the batman costume. He really liked the cowboy. But his heart just grew ten sizes when he saw Spider Man!

I'm so excited about this year. We're planning a small dinner and trick-or-treating with some of the neighbors. And my kids are so excited. So am I! This is going to be a first for our little family. And I'm really glad. Who knows, I might throw on a tail and some ears, paint my face, and have a blast with my kiddos too! :)

Whiskey Lullaby

I hadn't heard this song in forever! But this morning as I was feeding Lilah, it came on the radio. This is such a sad song! But I really do like it. And the video too. It makes you think a lot about life. But the way Brad and Alison sing it, it just gets me every time! The music is so beautiful. Do you have any songs that do that to you? :)

Urban Rain Giveaway

My Cakies is having a giveaway for a $25 Urban Rain gift certificate. Look at some of these things you can get! I just adore the rings. They're so pretty. They're simple, but classy. Head over and enter too! :)

Apron and DVD Giveaway

I just love that second apron. Isn't it adorable? Crochet Every Day is having a giveaway for an apron and a DVD. This is a cute blog. An inspiration for me to become more crafty. I really wish I could do things like that. I hope I can at least win an aprong. :)

Summer Fun

My kiddos are napping. And the weather is getting ugly out. It's just a lazy Sunday afternoon. So I decided to do some blog reading. And that lead me to Polyvore. Lots of really cute things there. And I was inspired.

I just signed up. And came up with this cute outfit. I think it would be nice to wear, now for summer. What do you think? Are you on Polyvore too? Here's my page. :)

Peaceful

Do you ever feel like you need a peaceful moment to breathe? I do. The last few years, the last few months in particular, have been crazy. And I've been on edge. Just trying to hold on. Protecting my kiddos and trying to survive. But it's been a long time since I've just stopped to smell the roses.

About 20 minutes ago, I got my kiddos comfy. My boys are showing my oldest daughter how to color. And they're all watching Sesame Street. My little girl was ready for her mid-morning feeding. And the laundry is doing it's thing in the washing machine.

So I snuggled up with my little peanut on the sofa and she started to eat. I just sat there watching my kiddos love each other. And be relaxed and feel safe for the first time in forever! Honestly, it filled my heart with so much joy! My kids are my entire world. I hope they really know that. I would do anything for them.

It's the little things in life that I now enjoy. But most of all, I enjoy feeling safe in my own home. I love seeing my kiddos happy and healthy. Nothing has brought me so much peace as to see them play together. To give each other a kiss when the other has helped them. I know we're going to make it. :)

They're All Sleeping

Not even I can believe it. My kiddos are all napping right now. I know that probably sounds strange. But it's just after noon here. And we're usually trying to eat lunch. But I do believe, they're all tuckered out from this weekend. The heat also tires them out pretty quickly.

So I'm trying to catch up on the laundry. Not ours, but the laundry I do for work. It's already so hot out. The boys want to be outside all the time. But I really can't let them. After 10 days of 100+ temps, it's finally going to only be 97 today. Blah! This heat is killing us!

But things are going a little better. Counseling for the kids seems to be going in a positive direction. Hubby isn't allowed near us. It still saddens me that our life has become this. That he has changed so much. But I need to stay strong for my kiddos. They need and deserve a better life.

I probably should get some lunch before the baby wakes up. She likes to wake up half way through her nap for some lunch. And a little cuddling time with me. :)

River Rafts

This is a picture that was in the local newspaper. I heard about this raft contest that was going on here. So I covered my kiddos in sunscreen, packed lots of water and snacks, and we went to watch.

It was a lot of fun. There were so many good rafts. They had to be hand built. And most of them had some kind of theme. It was a lot of fun! And better, it was completely free for us to watch.

I had been feeling a little bummed out. I was invited to a wedding today. For some friends. But I just couldn't figure out how to get 4 kids and myself dressed for this formal wedding, without breaking the bank.

But this event was something that took our minds off of that. And it was so much fun! When we got home, the boys and I built some toys rafts out of paper and straws. We let them float in a bucket of water. It was really a good day. :)

Hair Bows

I dream about little things like hair bows. I wish I could afford to buy my little girls some. I know it probably sounds ridiculous. But at $12 a bow, or even a set of 2, it's definitely out of our budget.

Being a momma of 4. And being single. It's tough. Especially when the only real job I can take is working for my friend on his Ranch. Because there is no way I could afford childcare. But my Dear Lord is helping me to provide for my kiddos. And we have our necessities. But one day, I'd like to buy a couple of ribbons for my little girls.




Like these cute ladybugs. I think they'd be adorable for Spring and Summer. :)



Or these little cork screws. Oh, I've always liked these!



And just look at all these colors! What little girl wouldn't love to wear some of these cute bows? One day, I know God is sending us down a different path. And one day, these little things, I'll be able to afford. :)

110

Around here, it's been really hot lately. So bad, that I can't let my kiddos go outside. I have them inside, with the AC on as high as it will go. We're on our 3rd straight day of 110 degrees. Tomorrow, we're supposed to be 107. The weatherman said it's a cold front. Ugh!

I just wish that the temps would drop about 15 degrees. That is a lot more doable. My sons have been begging to go outside. The only time that it's really comfortable to be outside is between 5-8am. You can find us all outside in our pjs. :)

But I'm grateful for the people I work with. I work on a Ranch. And we're lucky enough, that we get to live on the Ranch too. There are lots of families that live here. And our boss, well his a good friend of mine. All the guys have been really good about helping me. Especially with this heat.

I do all the laundry for the Ranch. Even the animals blankets. The guys have been bringing everything for me in the evenings when they come home. And they take out the clean stuff and deliver it in the mornings. Otherwise, I'm not sure how I'd get it done. Because piling up 4 kiddos and all this laundry, in this heat, it has disaster written all over it. God, do you think we can at least dip back into the 90s? :)

Iris

About 3 weeks ago, I noticed these little green leaves starting to poke out of the ground. I didn't know what they were. But I asked my neighbor. She told me that they are Lirios. So I started to water them. We have them all the way around our house.

As they started to come up more and more, I realized they are Irises. Around here, they call them Lirios. It's the spanish name for an Iris.



Well, our flowers are getting pretty big. And all of them are purple! They've grown the stalk with the flower. But I would say they're still probably a week or so away from blooming. I can't wait to see them when they bloom! :)

Sandbox

Our neighbor built a sandbox for his kids. It's really cute. Almost looks like this one. But the one he built is bigger, and has a cover to put on it when the kiddos aren't playing.

The sandbox is under the tree that we share. And they invite my kiddos over all the time to play. Today, my son asked for a sandbox. He just loves digging in the dirt. Both of my boys do really. And they like playing with their trucks in there too.

My kiddos are really good at sharing. But when there are 10 kiddos trying to share the same real estate, I'm thinking it can get pretty smooshed in there.

I recently seen a decent sized one at Wal-Mart. With a little umbrella. For $115. I know, that's a lot. Especially for us. But I'm thinking of saving all my change. The recently emptied PB jar should be a nice place to save it. And hopefully, by the end of summer I can afford one. They usually put these things on sale at the end of summer too! :)

Tutus

I've been looking at these little tutus from Little Diva Tutus for months! I found them via twitter. I'm going to start saving up some money. Even if it's just $1 a week. I really would like to buy this tutu dress for my little girl's birthday. $40 doesn't seem like a whole lot, but in this house, oh boy, it can buy a ton of groceries! :)

Much Love Illy Giveaway

This is the cutest shop ever! I just don't know what is my favorite piece. But Cakies is hosting a giveaway. And it's not just for 1 item, but for 3! So hurry up and go enter this giveaway! :)

Bunting Pillow Giveaway

This pillow is simply adorable! I want to decorate my girls' room with lots colorful things. And lots of handmade things. This would be a perfect addition! If you want the chance to win too, go here and enter this giveaway. :)

Cute Giveaway!

Newly Wife is having their last day of giveaways. Isn't this a cute prize? Since separating from my hubby, I have to say, my nights are lonely. My kids start going to bed around 7:30pm, and there's only so much to watch on TV. But these little cross stitch kits, I would love to try them! And it looks like I could use my downtime a little more wisely. If you want to enter, go to Newly Wife. :)

Garden Set Giveaway

I've been thinking for a while about starting a garden. But I'm completely clueless. I actually sat and talked to one of the guys I work with about how to start a very simple garden. It seems a little bit complicated. But I really want to start one now.

So Newly Wife is having it's 4th Giveaway Day, and the prize is a little garden kit. Perfect! I hope that I win. I would really like to try to grow a small patch of veggies for my kids. If not, I'm still going to go buy a few packs of seeds. :)

Newly Wife Giveaway Day 3

Just look at how cute these items are! OMG! This is another one of Newly Wife's giveaways. This one includes the cute bunny apron, a towel, a cute beanie, and a photobook. All of this is just perfect for Spring. I would LOVE to add these items into our house. If you would like a chance to win too, head over to Newly Wife and enter the giveaway. :)

Newly Wife Giveaway Day 2

Don't you just love this necklace? It made me smile the minute I seen it! The colors, the design, everything about it just makes me happy! OMG! I've been having such a tough week. All of this divorce talk has me a little blue. So this was just what I needed to see to make me smile. I hope I win this cute necklace. I bet my daughters would just love to touch it too! Anyway, for your chance to win, head over to Newly Wife and enter the giveaway. Hurry up! You just have a few minutes to enter. :)

Newly Wife Giveaway Day 1

I just found the cutest blog ever! Thanks Lola for sharing this with me. :) Anyway, the blog is Newly Wife. And it's written by 2 amazing women, who I'm assuming are newly married. There are all kinds of wonderful things on this blog. Like yummy recipes, and just posts about their lives. Which are really fun to read about. Anyway, they're hosting 5 giveaways right now. This one is for these cute recipe cards and these cute wine glass charms. So hurry up! The giveaway ends at midnight. :)

Cinnamon Sticks Giveaway

Isn't this amazing? It's my favorite piece from Cinnamon Sticks. Cakies is hosting a giveaway for a $50 certificate to Cinnamon Sticks. There are lots and lots of handmade pieces in the shop. For your chance to win, go enter the giveaway. :)

Bellasymphony Giveaway

Cakies is hosting a giveaway for Bellasymphony. I immeditately fell in love with this Baby Chic Tutu. Isn't it amazing? I would just love one for my girls. If you want to a chance to win a knotty tutu or an ebook, go enter this giveaway. :)

My New Favorite YouTuber!

Jen just makes me smile. Her videos are so adorable. And her boys...well they are the cutest little guys! I recently found her videos on YouTube. And I'm hooked. Jen has so many great ideas for and about kids. Love it! I would really recommend sitting down and watching some. Honestly, you'll be hooked. And just look at Grayson, he's a doll! :)

Our New Favorite Book

The other day, I went to buy groceries. It's a little complicated with 4 kids. 2 of are babies, 2 are toddlers. And with the 90 minute wait in line, I had to keep the kids entertained. I found this book. You know how people just throw things around the cash registers. We really enjoyed reading it. Looking at all the pictures and talking about God.

Before, we didn't go to church. But I'd try to teach my little ones about God. Then today, I found this book. And it was such a Godsend. For almost 2 months now, we've been going to mass 3 times a week. And it's amazing. My kids love it!

This has been their book of choice every night. I really want to find a nice children's bible next. I think that would be amazing for them! You know, God really does work in the most mysterious and beautiful ways. :)

Exercise

One of my friends was amazing and lent me a few workout DVDs. A few days ago, I worked out after the kiddos went to bed. And it felt good. I slept so well that night. The next morning, I could barely move. Barely get out of bed. And let me tell you, I could feel every single muscle in my body!

I was in some serious pain. But 4 small kiddos don't understand that. And life just went on. That evening, I debated if I wanted to try it again. I figured I should. And I've been working out every night since.

Yes, it's been a slight pain. I've been sore. And I really have to talk myself into working out at night. But it's good for me. I'm in a better mood. And I have a lot more energy. I sleep a heck of a lot better too! See, exercise isn't all that bad. Now I need to get up and do some exercise! :)

Cowgirls Don't Cry

I've been hearing this song a lot! Especially in the last 2 weeks. And it has a special meaning for me. So I really like to sit and listen to the words. When my kiddos are around, I'm able to hold it together. Barely, but I hold it together.

But when they're fast asleep, I fall apart. I know, I'm not supposed to cry. But life has been difficult to say the very least. And I'm trying desperately to hold it together. But this song, it just does something to me. I'm not sure what it is. And forget it when Reba's singing. I'm like a 3 year old crying. But sometimes, it's nice to just cry and let it all out. :)

Picnics

Lately we've been having real picnics outside. My kids are loving it! I try to do it everyday for lunch. Weather permitting. And on the weekends, we try to eat outside at least 1 day for dinner.

It's just fun. And unconventional. A lot more relaxing. And did I say fun? I just make lunch or dinner, take a blanket outside, and lay it under our big tree. My kiddos just love being outside. So it's a really fun highlight to our day.

We always manage to find a few ladybugs or butterflies. My kiddos especially like those little creatures. And we love to look at all the growing flowers. A little bit of nature is good for all of us!

Now for this picture. If only I could make yummy toys like that. I really want to learn how to sew. And I would love to make something like this for my girls. I think they'd really enjoy them when they're a little bit older. Until I masters sewing, we'll just enjoy our real picnics! :)

Happy Birthday Lola!

Today is my friend Lola's birthday. I wish she was here. So I could make her a yummy chocolate cake. I'm sure it's her favorite. She loves chocolate! I just want you to know Lola, you're an amazing person. Thanks for being a great friend to me and my kiddos. Hope this is a great year for you too! :)

Happy St. Patty''s Day!

Happy st. Patty's Day! I know, I'm not Irish. I don't really know the "real" meaning behind the holiday. But I still think it's a fun one. I have a few tricks up my sleeve for my kids too! Starting with some green pancakes this morning. Pray for me. I'm not sure if I can actually make a proper pancake.

I also cut out some paper shamrocks and taped them around the house last night. Just something fun. I hide a few chocolate gold coins around the living room. Just fun stuff like that. I want to make the day a fun one for the kids. I hope they enjoy themselves. :)

Sewing Machine

I've been reading lots of crafting blogs. And everyone sews. It sounds like an economical way to provide clothing for your kiddos. With 4, I need every trick in the book. I have no sewing experience at all. I wish I did. I wish I could say that I sewed in Home Ec. But I didn't.

I do want to learn how to sew though. I think it would be a great skill to have. I started to research in expensive sewing machines. And I found this one. At Target, it's $130. But they frequently have them on sale for under $100. I'm going to start saving.

Who knows how long it will take me to save the money. Or how long it will take to actually learn how to sew. But this is definitely on my list. I want to do it. For me and my kids. It's that important. If you have any sewing tips, tricks, or blogs...please let me know! :)

Lawyers

Lawyers are so expensive. Even the one I got. That is significantly less expensive than most. He's doing me a favor. Taking our case as a pro bono case. But I still have to cover certain costs. And it's expensive. My hubby, he's making it tough. He wants to fight everything.

But I'm going to figure out how to do this. Because it's just that important. I need for my kids to grow up in a loving and safe home. One where they can go to the adult in charge, and know that they are going to be cared for. That's why I'm fighting for my kiddos.

My hubby doesn't want to be divorced. He thinks he owns me. Yes, he thinks he owns me. He's not too thrilled about our kiddos. He'd never hurt them. But he's definitely not going to fight me for custody of them. I know that much. But he also doesn't want to pay child support. I have a feeling, this is going to take a long time. I just hope, that I can find a way to pay for it all. :)

Cherry Pop Refashion Frock GROSGRAIN GIVEAWAY!!!!

Isn't this the most gorgeous dress? I like the retro feel to it. And can you believe it was refashioned from another Salvation Army Dress? The original dress was not very appealing. But this one, oh my! I would just adore wearing this! It's something about the color. And the style. It's got a flirty sense to it. Without being in your face. I just love it! Go and enter the giveaway. You know you want to! :)

Georgia Grace $50 Gift Card GUEST GIVEAWAY!!!!

This cute number comes from Georgia Grace. I just think this dress is perfect for Spring. And it could be yours. Actually, a $50 gift card could be yours. Then you could pick whichever item you like from the shop. You just have to go to Grosgrain and enter the giveaway. :)

Only the Best of Etsy Sample Packages GUEST GIVEAWAY!!!!

Well, I can you tell you one thing, I like getting mail. I especially like getting boxes. And who wouldn't want to get a sample box from Etsy? Only the Best of Etsy offers boxes filled with 10 samples for $15. Yes, you read that right! And free shipping!!! Right away, I was dreaming of a way to get $15. Even that is hard to come by around here. And Etsy. I haven't bought or received anything from Etsy in such a long time! We're talking years! So when I read that there was going to be 2 of these boxes given away, well I about fell out of bed! You know you want to enter this giveaway too! :)

Overnightprints.com Free Business Cards GUEST GIVEWAWAY!!!!

Aren't these simply adorable? They're business cards!!! And you can win 500 custom made business cards from OvernightPrints.com. And as someone who is starting over, business cards are something I can use to get me working again. Go enter the giveaway! :)

Sew Much Ado Ruby Lou Doll AND Pattern GUEST GIVEAWAY!!!!

I have 2 little girls that would just love one of these little dolls to death! They are called Ruby Lou dolls. And aren't they precious! They come from Sew Much Ado. Grosgrain is hosting a giveaway for this doll and the pattern to make her. We would Welcome Ruby Lou into our home! :)

Covet Antiqued Copper Charm Necklace GUEST GIVEAWAY!!!!

Isn't this simply beautiful? I don't know what else to say. I saw this necklace and had to stop a minute to stare. It comes from Covet Jewels. And honestly, there is not a piece that I wouldn't love to have. Everything they make, is simply beautiful! If you would like a chance to win one of their beautiful necklaces, go to Grosgrain and enter this giveaway. :)

Twinkle Little Star Refashion Frock GROSGRAIN GIVEAWAY!!!!

I know. I have no place to go. But this dress, it makes me dream up the possiblities. I could see myself dressing up, something I haven't done in such a long time! But I could see me doing it. Wearing this cute little number. Can you believe it was made out of a Salvation Army find? That's what you call talent!!! Run and enter this giveaway. This dress is way too beautiful and fun to not enter. :)

Estate Sale Blue Blouse GROSGRAIN GIVEAWAY!!!!

Can you say, "Oh so cute. And chic!" 2 of my 4 are beautiful princesses. Yes, full on princesses. They love dressing up. The oldest of the 2, she likes to wear my clothes around the house. So when I saw this little number, I about died! It's perfect!!! Something I would wear, if it came in my size. But something that could look oh so adorable on my little one. Go enter the giveaway!!! :)

The Pajama Squid THREE Prize GUEST GIVEAWAY!!!!

I'm a mommy of 4...all under 4. Ya, I know. A little crazy! But when I saw this giveaway, that included these blocks, I just knew I had to enter it! Yup, a giveaway at Grosgrain, not for just one amazing treat. But for 3!!! And they are from The Pajama Squid. Oh so cute!!! But these blocks, they're the ones that caught my eye. Remember, I've got 4 under 4. Anything educational, it's a total plus in my book. I hope I win!!! Between, if I had any sort of extra money, I would LOVE to dress my kids in some of the cute clothes at The Pajama Squid. :)

Magpie Lovely $50 Gift Card GUEST GIVEAWAY!!!!

Do you see this lovely bag? Doesn't it just scream Spring to you? Oh, it also happens to be my favorite color. It's from Magpie. And Grosgrain is hosting a giveaway for Magpie. Yay! You have the chance to win $50. There are so many wonderful things there. But this bag, it just caught my eye. :)

"New Baby" Monogrammed Wool Bonnet GROSGRAIN GIVEAWAY!!!!

I found a new blog. I was reading a friend's blog. And I clicked on a link, to find myself at Grosgrain. Kathleen has to be the most talented woman. I just wish I was that talented. But while I was browsing, I noticed that she has many, many giveaways. I thought I would enter a couple. Would you like the chance to win an adorable hat for you little princess? I know I would, so I entered this giveaway! :)

Sadness

I LOVE to read blogs. And I read a bunch. I "stalk" a few. Checking them every single day for a new entry. Because these are inspirational blogs to me. But in the last few weeks, 5 of the blogs that I read, have gone to "This blog is open to invited readers only." Complete sadness for me!

The 2 blogs that I'm going to miss the most are Adventures in Kandeeland and The Sims Family. Last summer I also had to say goodbye to A New Duck and Peanut Butter Burrito. At the time, those were my favorite 2 blogs!!!

AiK is Kandee's blog about her family. I just liked reading about her special time with her kids. It made me feel like I am able to get through this darkness. That there was hope. That my kids are going to be OK at the end of this journey we're on. TSB is just adorable. Sheaffer posts almost daily. Has loads of pictures of her son and their dog. Her husband was almost killed in a serious accident a few months ago. But I just liked reading about a normal family. And seeing that little boy in his pjs and cowboy boots! I also found Shay through this blog.

And in case you were wondering, AND is about a single mom. Who is also a lawyer. I just loved her blogs about her chair, cravings for pie, and the large amounts of snow she was always having to trek through. I found her through PBB. Andrea was a law student at the time, and pregnant. I actually found both blogs, while both women were expecting. Andrea's husband is a Jeopardy whiz. It actually got me into watching Jeopardy for a long time. And their daughter Becca, she is the cutest! I also enjoyed reading Andrea's monthly letters to Becca.

So there you go 4 of my favorite blogs. There are an additional 3 that have also disappeared. Well, I can't read them. So I consider them gone. It makes me sad. Because I feel like I've invested time into them. Like I know them. Then one day, they're gone to me. I still wonder how New Duckling and Becca are doing. Now I will wonder if Sheaffer's son's rash has healed. And what adventure Kandee and her kids are on.

But I also understand the need for anonymity. You're probably never going to see pictures of my kiddos. Well, I might post a few, but probably not with their faces. Maybe shots of little hands. Or from the back. I just feel safer that way. But I do miss these blogs. It makes me wonder what has happened that makes these ladies feel like they need to protect their blogs and their families. :)

Healing

We started counseling recently. OK, more like a month ago. But it's tough. But important. We all need it to heal and move past our past. Because it's been tough. My boys especially need it. They're bigger, older, and know what's going on. They understood the situation. Which honestly, made me a little sad. No, it made me really sad.

But the place where we're going, it's a good place. We go to a family session. Then the 3 of us have individual sessions. They also watch my kiddos for me when I'm in my session. Which is very generous. I'm lucky that it's a locally run office. So we're on a moving pay scale. Which means that instead of paying $80 for an hour, I pay $10. A lot more affordable.

It's nice to know that there are people out there that still care about human beings. And they really care about kids. My kids, they get to go for nothing. It means a lot. Because I really want them to heal. I want my kids to grow up feeling safe, loved, and able to thrive. This is a good thing for us. :)

Kid's Crafts

I'm looking for a nice website(s) with kid's crafts. You know, ideas, instructions, etc. I could use some help. My kids like things like this. But I'm not really a creative person. I try. And I can follow directions. I just need a little nudge. A little inspiration. You know what I mean? So if you have any blogs or websites, please let me know in the comments. Thanks! :)

One Month

It's been a month since I left. 1 month since I packed up my kids, called some friends, and said I wanted better for my family. Lilah was 6 weeks old. I had 4 kids under 3. And I had no clue what I was going to do. But I knew, I had to leave. 1 month ago...

Now, I have a house. I have friends that love and adore me and my kids. I have a job. We're getting somewhere. Counseling is definitely in order. And we're healing. As a family we're healing. It's tough. And it's hard. Sometimes at night, I lay in bed crying and scared. It's that tough. But then, I see my sleeping babies, and I realize I made the right decision. However hard it was, it was the right thing for us.

1 month. It doesn't seem like much. But it feels like a lifetime ago. The kids are enjoying all of our neighbors. Mostly because there are small kids to play with. And we're making the best of life. I really couldn't have done this without my friends though. They set up a house for us. Made sure my kids had beds and cribs. We had everything we needed. From food to diapers to toys.

I'm very grateful. And I know God is with us. Because there is no other way we could have survived the last month. And there is no other way I could have survived the last 4 years. It wasn't all bad. I was married to someone I had once loved, and who had loved me. But 4 years ago, I'm not sure what happened.

God gave me the strength to do this. To be a better person. To be a good mom to my kids. They're what's important. And I have to take care of them. They're my responsibilities. And I love them so much. I hope God continues to watch over us. We need all his love and guidance. :)

Happy March

I really can't believe it's already March 1st! Whenever I think of March, I think of daffodils. When I was little my grandma grew them in her yard. I always told her they were "sunshine flowers."

And she would tell me that we were going to go pick some sunshine. We'd cut a bunch of daffodils, then take them in the house and put them in an old fashioned water pitcher. During March, my grandma always had a vase of daffodils on her kitchen table. All month long, grandma and I would cut "sunshine flowers" and bring them in the house. It's actually the way I got my nickname, "Sunshine Dawn." That and I would wake up the house at the first sign of sunshine. Happy March! :)

Tweet Tweet

I jumped on the bandwagon and joined twitter. You can find me here. I don't exactly know why I joined. Or what I might tweet about. But I thought you might like to know. If you're on twitter too, you can follow me. And I'll follow you! :)

Exhausted

I'm feeling exhausted. And overwhelmed. I guess, I should expect it to come with the territory. I'm a single mom of 4 kiddos. Trying to balance the entire world on my shoulders. And it's starting to catch up with me. So I'm trying to take time out of my day for me. Like putting on makeup, doing my hair, painting my nails.

I know it sounds shallow. But I think I need to take care of me, in order to better care for my kiddos. Does that make any sense at all? I hope it does. I don't expect to go all out again. To be like that same girl I was 5 or 6 years ago. But I want to be a woman who cares again.

And I think that starts with better sleeping and eating. Eventually, I want to try and exercise. You know, just be a healthy person. I hope that helps. I'm so tired. And it's tough. I suppose, I just need to pray more. :)

Sinful Colors

I recently went to Walgreen's. I had to pick up a prescription. And while we waited, I went to visit the beauty area. And I found these beauties. Sinful Colors nail polish. And they're only $2 a bottle. I couldn't help myself. I bought 3. And last night, after the kids went to sleep, I painted my nails. A fun bright pink. It feels good to take care of myself again. :)

Ally Pie's Birthday

It's almost been a week since Ally Pie's birthday. Oh, my little princess. She is just a doll! Her birthday is on Valentine's Day. And this year, it fell on the weekend.

Not only was it a big deal because it was Ally's birthday. But it was Ally's 1st birthday. And I was trying to come up with something to do for her birthday. I decided to make 2 cakes. 1 for us to eat, and 1 just for Ally. I always wanted to do that for my kids. Get them their own mini cake. So they could make a big mess!

Ally is every part a little girl. She didn't want to make a mess. Until she tasted the yummy chocolate. And we had presents. On the Friday beforehand, my neighbor watched Ally for me. And I took the rest of the kids shopping with me. We got Ally Pie a new dress, a pair of shoes, some hair bows, a baby doll, and a cute little duck. My sons picked out the toys. And we wrapped everything up.

Ally Pie wasn't so sure about ripping open the paper. But once she got the hang of it, she really enjoyed it. So we celebrated Ally's birthday in the morning. With yummy blueberry muffins, scrambled eggs, and juice. She opened her gifts. And got so excited when her big brothers kept singing Happy Birthday to her.

After nap time, we had cake. And we played for a few hours together. Right as I was going to get dinner started, my neighbor came over. She invited us over to their house. Literally, we live steps away from each other. And they had made dinner for Ally Pie's birthday! We enjoyed dinner, cake, and ice cream. Very fun evening. And then Ally Pie got some more presents.

We're so grateful for the love. I kept telling my neighbor's "Thank you." But I'm pretty sure they thought I was nuts! They're just amazing people. And so kind hearted. I'm so grateful for everything. :)

Taking Some Time

For some reason, this video caught my eye tonight. I was just looking for some easy hair ideas on YouTube. And I came across Sara's video. She just seems so happy and bubbly. Something I really need right now.

But I remember the days, when I took the time. to get ready in the morning. I'd put on makeup. I'd do my hair. Very similar to this. I really enjoyed getting ready in the morning. Then life happened. I stopped wearing makeup. And my hair is permanently in this messy bun thing.

But this video has motivated me. I'm definitely going to start taking some time to get ready in the morning. It's important. It makes a person feel better. I realized that lately. I'm probably not going to spend this much time on my hair, but I'm going to try and make some sort of effort. :)

We Heart You!!!

It's LOVE Day! For me, I've never really had a "romantic Valentine." But when I had my first baby, I just knew I was going to celebrate every single holiday. Especially a day that celebrates LOVE! Now, I have 4 little Valentine's to love, cuddle, and kiss all day!

There's nothing more that I could ask for. I've got all the LOVE in the world from them! Today, I want to make their day special. Because they are my special 4 hearts. We don't have a lot. But you would be surprised at how far a heart shaped cookie cutter, felt, construction paper, scissors, glue, glitter, and some love can go. I spent my night making each one of my kiddos a special Valentine. And I plan on using my cookie cutter to make heart shaped food all day long. Hope you have a day filled with lots of LOVE!!! :)

Happy Birthday Princess Ally Pie!

Dear Ally Pie,

I love you with all my heart. I really do! You're 1 today. I just can't believe how big you're getting! I knew you were a very special little girl. From the very first time I found about you. You're filled with love and kisses. And all those sweet things little girls are all about! But I think you're extra special...because you're a "love baby." Yuppers, born on Valentine's Day!

The day you were born, it was a very exciting day! And all I could think about, was holding you in my arms. I wanted a little girl so badly. And I knew that 1 day, we'd get to sit and play dress up and dollies. And you're perfect. You were born perfect! And you're perfect now!

Over the last year, I've watched you grow big and strong. From rolling over to crawling. It's been so special. I really do love being your mommy. I hope you love being my little princess! It makes me smile every time I see you toddling around. Still unsure of your next step. But so happy to be on 2 legs!

And waking up to your smiling face every day, oh it makes me so very happy! I love how you sit and wait for me to pick you up from your crib. And how you hold so tight to your baby doll. My heart really does pour over with love for you! Happy Birthday Princess Ally Pie! :)

Love,
Mommy

Lash Blast

It's the simple things in life that make me smile. It feels like lifetimes ago when I was going to cosmetology school. Lifetimes. Since having my 1st son, I honestly have worn makeup maybe 4 times. I don't even think that many!

I've missed it. I've missed buying and trying new items. And I've missed the way you feel when you take the time to get ready. I splurged a little yesterday. And I bought myself a mascara and a lipgloss. Nothing fancy. Just Covergirl.

But it has done wonders for my self esteem! I feel so amazing. And beautiful. Like the makeup can help me to conquer the world. I know it sounds silly. But it's the truth.

And in case you're like me, and have been hiding under a rock, this mascara is amazing! It's so black. And makes your eyelashes look gorgeous. No clumping. But very buildable. Definitely something that I'd use over and over again. Who knew $10 worth of makeup would make such a HUGE difference for me? :)

Mac-N-Cheese

Something as simple as Mac-N-Cheese makes my boys so happy! We have a large supply of food at our fingertips now. We've never really had this much. Never close to this much. And it feels a little, dare I say it, shocking. I'm used to having a few things in the pantry. My hubby bringing home whatever, for the next day. But not a lot.

This afternoon, I asked my boys what they wanted to eat for dinner. Very excitedly, they jumped up and down when I opened the pantry. And they right away pointed to the Mac-N-Cheese. Yes, that's what we had for dinner. With a little salad and some ham. It was simple, but good. And exactly what we all needed! Oh, and I think it's the first time they've ever had Kraft's. It really is different from the no name brand. :)

A Blur

The last few days have been a blur. They really have. I left home. Not really knowing what I was going to do. Facing all my fears. Coming to terms with the last few years of my life. Being honest with the world around me.

And now here I am. In a home of my own. My kiddos each have their own bed/crib to sleep in. We have a cute little house, with everything we could ever need. And plenty of food. It's the first time in forever, that I've even felt 2% safe. That's saying a lot. But it's the truth.

And we're doing better. My boys seem relaxed a little. My girls are calm. Although, we've had to sleep together for the last few nights. My girls just seem more fragile than my boys. But I"m here to shower all of them with as much love as they need.

I'm also working for J. At the Ranch. I'm going to be in charge of all the laundry. For some reason, it feels like it's not enough. Like I need to do more for J. More for Lola. My 2 friends really stepped up for me and my kids. I'm so grateful to them. They'll never know just how much this means to me and my kids! :)

New Chapter in My Book

Today, well I'm starting over. Over in life. I finally got the courage to move on. I realized that my kids and I deserve better. A lot better. And I finally got enough courage to leave.

I'm now a single mommy of 4. I have some minor work things lined up. But no real job. I haven't had the opportunity to work outside of home in years. But I need to support my family. My kids are the world to me. And whatever I have to do, I'm going to do it for them.

In all actuality, I got most of my courage from Kandee. She has a wonderfully inspirational blog, half about makeup...and half about her tough life. I also enjoy her family blog. You can see what an amazing mom she is. The strength and will she has to provide for her family.

One bad night, after some horrible things, I sat at my computer reading both of Kandee's blogs. From the very beginning. It's funny. Because my friend sent me the link to the blog. Because it was about makeup. But soon I was balling my eyes out. Holding my baby girl. And realizing, I needed to do this for all of us.

So here we are. Starting over. I don't have much. But I can provide my kids with love, safety, and security. I'm working on a job. And I have a strong faith. I know God will provide for us. He will help give us the strength to make it through the tough times. Because he believes in the good in people.

I know that my kiddos have suffered enough. And I know that I have to be stronger for all of us. It's going to be tough. But I'm ready for it. Because in the end, life will be better for all of us. As long as we have each other. :)